Real women have…

Real women.

Check out my website! 

We are currently in the middle of a war — a war against women.  Unfortunately, much of this war against women, is a war being waged by women.  The weapon of mass destruction in this war?  The word “real” purposely used in conjunction with the word woman.  Real Woman.  Lately, the phrase real woman has taken on a specific meaning and is now being used to refer to a woman who is bigger, thicker, or curvier.  And now there even seems to be distinctions within the ‘real woman’ world, with the emergence of the title fiercely real woman (I guess that means super real), used to honor those who, according to Tyra in the video below, wear a size 12 and up.  Well, I take offense to this, and we should all feel insulted by this.

Always with the insults.

I am not big, thick, or curvy, does that mean I am not a fiercely real woman?  I don’t have a big butt, huge boobs, or curvy hips, does that mean I am not a fiercely real woman?  I wear a size 2 or 4 (depending on the brand), does that mean I am not a fiercely real woman? After watching this clip, I decided to do a little research to determine if I am a real woman.  According to Merriam-Webster, real is defined as “being precisely what the name implies.”  And a woman, according to Merriam-Webster is “an adult female person.”  Well, I am 32 years old so I am an adult; I am a female; and I’m fairly certain that I am a person, although my students may argue that point.  That means, despite what others claim, I am a real woman.

I am not a size 12, but I am a real woman.

Ladies, let’s stop this crap!  Stop it now!  Let’s stop this abusive, passive-aggressive relationship that we have with each other.  We are constantly talking about empowering women, and teaching young girls how to love and accept themselves.  How are we supposed to teach these younger generations about self acceptance and self confidence when we do not have it ourselves?  How do I know we do not have self confidence?  Because we have to constantly bash those who look different from us.   Instead of wasting time defining what a “real woman” is, sit down and define what makes you a really wonderful woman.  Maybe if we all learn to love and accept ourselves, this intra-gender conflict will dissipate, and we truly can empower each other.

I leave you with my definition of a real woman:  Real women have curves; Real women have muscles; Real women have big butts; Real women have flat butts; Real women have big bellies; Real women have six packs; Real women have thighs that touch; Real women have thin thighs; Real women have long hair; Real women have short hair; Real women have no hair; Real women have big boobs; Real women have small boobs; Real women have no boobs; Real women are mothers; Real women don’t have children; Real women can’t have children; Real women are married; Real women are single; Real women are divorced; Real women are gay; Real women are straight; Real women are bisexual; Real women don’t bash women who are different to make themselves feel better; Real women are ____.   To fill in the blank, leave a comment below.

No matter your age, shape, size, marital status, creed, or ethnicity learn to accept yourself so that you can learn to accept those who are different from you.  So come on ladies, let’s start a revolution!   L.O.L.E.O. — Love Ourselves Love Each Other.


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  1. #1 by Margaret Ann on July 16, 2012 - 11:52 pm

    I liked this post a lot, Desiree. Thank you for sharing it and for giving me a new perspective. I have felt the blunt on the other end because even when I am my most fit, I still have bigger breasts and bigger hips than, say, some women. There are times when comments people have made about curvier women have been hurtful to me, but it never occurred to me that women who are leaner could feel insulted by Tyra’s comments. Tyra might have meant to be empowering, but although I haven’t yet watched the video, it sounds like she was also hurtful. I think the bottom line is, we should strive to be healthy and try to lift each other up rather than bringing each other down. It’s just not fair to other women to do that, regardless of body type. One of many things I like about our dance studio is that people are of all different creeds, body types, etc., and we are all honored for where we are. I wish it was more like that other places.

  2. #2 by Terry on July 17, 2012 - 9:45 am

    I don’t find Tyra’s video offensive at all. I agree that we are all real women… But I think those ladies are just making the point that many women don’t embrace the big these days. There has been such a pressure for women to get smaller and smaller… And bigger women are not cherished anymore. Desiree, no one is calling you a fake woman. You’re a freaking REAL woman. You’re a REAL dancer, too. Women should embrace their looks and change not because of a social norm, or peer pressure, but because they’ve made up their minds that that is what they want to do.

    Thanks for sharing your opinions with us!:)

  3. #3 by AlexOnActing on July 20, 2012 - 8:12 am

    Well put Desiree! There will always be a a harsh dynamic between living an active, healthy lifestyle and living up to really unrealistic societal standards for a woman’s body, but we just have to all be healthy and accepting of others!

    • #4 by fitdesiree on September 13, 2012 - 11:04 pm

      Thank you, Alex!:) Healthy is key!

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